


How Could You?

by Rawrlove19



Category: Janoskians
Genre: Cheating, Crying, Dead Inside, Drug Abuse, Drugs, Fighting, Gen, Hate, Insecurities, Isolation, Original Female Character - Freeform, Self Harm, Suicide Attempt, Trust, Twins, YouTube, insecure, only for first chapter, self hate, suicidal
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-04
Updated: 2017-06-16
Packaged: 2018-10-14 15:40:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 9,003
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10539477
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rawrlove19/pseuds/Rawrlove19
Summary: started off as a one-shot.Jai is half asleep one day and accidentally kissed Luke's girlfriend. What will he do when Luke finds out and starts hating him?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Make sure to comment and leave kudos!

I was sleeping so peacefully when a girl appeared in front of me. I couldn't quite make her out, but she was leaning near my face so I acted on instinct and kissed her. It felt so real, almost like it was real. My eyes shot open at the realization that I was in fact not asleep. I pushed the girl back, and was shocked to see the girl was actually Luke's girlfriend, Maggie. What had I done?

"What? Maggie?" I groggily questioned. I was half-asleep and didn't realize what I was doing, so she shouldn't be too mad at me. Then again, she had kissed me back.

"Shh. Jai. Just live in the moment. What Luke doesn't know, won't hurt him." She chuckled, making me feel horrible. I didn't know if she had been cheating on Luke or not, but I didn't like the fact that she was so willing to cheat on him.

"What's going on here?!" Luke's sharp voice broke me from my thoughts. I guess it looked weird him walking in to his girlfriend on his brother's lap. Before I could say anything, she was already running to him with fake tears in her eyes.

"I just walked in the room and the next thing I knew, he was grabbing me and kissing me!" She cried, burying her face in his chest.

"Luke I-" I tried defending myself, but Luke was just too angry. His eyes were practically blazing with firery rage.

"Save it, Jai!" Luke yelled. "Do me a favor and never talk to me ever again! Come on Maggie." 

I was my brother drag his evil girlfriend out of the room. Yes, I had accidentally kissed her, but she still kissed me back. Luke wouldnt listen to me, though. He chose to believe her instead. It was like years of being twin brothers meant nothing to him.

I decided to talk to Luke the next day. I though that maybe he would have had time to cool down and listen to reason, but that just wasn't the case.

"Luke can I talk to you, please!" I begged my twin. He gave me a harsh glare.

"What could you possibly have to say to me, Jai? Nothing you say could possibly fix what you've done."

"Just let me explain! I was half asleep and didn't even realize who I was kissing." I explained quickly.

"I dont believe you. Who kisses someone randomly when they're half asleep. If you're going to make up lies, at least make up believable lies." Luke huffed.

"You know me, though..." I whispered.

"I thought I did, but I guess not. As far as I'm concerned we're not even twins anymore. You're just some messed up Freak that happens to look like me!"

"That's a low blow, Luke. I'm not lying and you should know that."

"A low blow? What did I hit an insecurity?" Luke chuckled sadly. "Well guess what my heart is broken because Maggie dumped me!"

"What?" I froze. I didn't realize she had broken up with him.

"She didn't feel safe around you anymore. She said it was hard to date someone that looked like her attacker. But you don't care, do You? I was going to propose to her, Jai. Had the ring picked out and everything."

"Luke, I'm sorry, but I'm not lying."

"Can you just stop being selfish for once in your life?" Luke cried, before running out of the room. I was shocked. Luke never cried. I was the crybaby of the family. Luke was usually the one comforting me.

I stared down at my hands, guiltily. I know I was innocent, but I had still kissed her. Maybe the part where she kissed back was just me dreaming. I don't think I was dreaming, though. I had never once thought of Maggie that way. She was my twin brother's girlfriend. I could have never done something like that.

I still hated myself for causing Luke to cry. Luke was right. I was nothing, but a selfish Freak. That's all I've ever been, and that's all I'll ever be. I walked towards Luke's room without meaning to. I was just so guilty and wanted to comfort my twin. Through the door, I could hear his harsh sobs and cries of 'I hate you Jai'. 

It broke my heart hearing him, but what also got to me was he was going to propose. He never even told me that he was thinking about doing something like that. I had thought we told each other everything. I guess not anymore.

I wandered into our older brother's room and wrapped myself up in his blankets. It always made me feel better to sleep in his bed when I was younger, but now I just really needed to talk to him. The one person that never took sides in any of mine and Luke's arguments.

I just really hoped Beau believed me. It was bad enough that Luke hated me right now, but if both my brothers ended up hating me then I don't know what I'd do.


	2. Chapter 2

"Jai, wake up!" I felt myself being shaken. I forced my eyes open to see Beau frowning down at me. 

"Beau!" I screamed, tackling him in a hug. I was so happy to see him. I needed to talk to someone about Luke. 

"I talked to Luke." Beau stated, making my smile fall. "How could you do that, Jai."

"I didn't. I was half asleep when I kissed her. Besides she kissed me back and told me that Luke didn't have to know. " I explained. 

"We both know that's not really believable." Beau frowned in disbelief. 

"Fine, don't believe me. I'm telling the truth whether you care or not." I snapped. 

"Well, Luke is crying. That never happens." Beau scoffed. I felt my heart break even further. Both of my brothers thought I was lying. Tears began to well up in my eyes. 

"You have to believe me!" I whimpered. 

"I don't have to do anything Jai."

I felt the tears finally begin to roll down my face. I ran out of Beau's room without a word. I didn't know what to do anymore. I never thought I'd see the day where both of my brothers hated me. It had arrived, though. 

I walked out of the house, not being able to take it much longer. I Don't even think that they would care anymore if I just left. Maybe I should just stay gone, that way they didn't have to put up with me any longer.

What Maggie did was terrible. Luke should have realized that I would never do something like that on purpose. He should have known me better than that. I told him practically everything, but that still wasn't enough for him. I trusted him with my life, but he didn't trust me at all. He didn't even tell me he was this serious about Maggie.

I pulled out my phone and checked the time. I had been gone for about twenty minutes now. My brothers hadn't even thought of texting me to see why I ran out of the house like that. They didn't care about me anymore. I felt tears start to well up in my eyes and run down my face. Through my blurred vision I saw three guys watching me. 

I started to walk faster. Who knows what they wanted, and I really didn't want to find out anytime soon. The guys started to run after me. I was fast, but my fear was slowing me down. They eventually cornered me in an alleyway.

"What do you want?!" I forced fake confidence into my voice. These guys were all at least twice my size and looked like they only wanted trouble.

"Stop making those dumb YouTube videos!" The first one spat. Of course they just had to be haters. I laughed at the hilarity of the situation. 2/3rds of the other members hate me right now, but I'm getting threatened anyways.

"What's so funny?" The second one sounded extremely angry.

"If you guys are just haters then I'll be going." I laughed. They obviously did not share my amusement. The third guy shot his arm out and punched me in the side of the face. The force of the punch sent me back a few steps. I reached up and put a hand on my rapidly bruising jaw. It was then I knew that they were serious. My eyes widened as I took a few steps back. If it was just one of them I could have been able to hold my own in a fight, but with three of them I had no chance of making it out unscathed.

"Just where do you think you're going?" The first one laughed, before they crowded in on me. The next thing I knew, a flurry of punches and kicks were raining down on my body harder than anything I had ever felt before.

I slowly blacked out.

~

When I started to regain consciousness, I was aware of a series of steady beeps as well as a white ceiling. I was in the hospital. At least those guys hadn't killed me, but after looking around the room I started wishing that they would have.

My room was empty, with no sign of anyone having been in here while I was asleep. As I pushed the button calling for a nurse, I started to wonder if anyone knew where I was or if they decided that I just wasn't worth their time.

"Oh sweetie, you're awake." A bright-eyed, petite nurse smiled at me as she walked in followed by an older guy that could only be a doctor. She walked over to my bed and pressed a button, raising me into a sitting position.

"H-how did I get here?" I asked, slightly disoriented.

"A kind old man was walking down the street and brought you here once he realized you were unconscious. We went through your belongings and called your family, but...they said they couldn't quite make it." She explained, smiling sadly towards the end.

"You have a broken leg and a broken arm, but other than that you just have some bad bruises." The Doctor interjected. "Anyways, you're free to go as soon as you want."

I didn't even care about my injuries at that point. My brothers refused to come see me in the hospital of all places. I could have been killed by those guys, but they didn't even think twice about not coming to check on me.

I felt so unloved and totally betrayed.


	3. Chapter 3

"Daniel, can you come pick me up from the hospital?" I had called Daniel to pick me up once I realized that Beau was out of the question. Beau had sided with Luke and didn't care about me anymore. 

"Hospital? Why are you there?" Daniel asked, confused.

"I got attacked and have a broken arm and leg?" I explained as simply as possible.

"Wait, does Beau know? Why am I picking you up?" I groaned at all of his questions.

"Beau doesn't care about me anymore." I whispered before hanging up. 

It was true. Beau no longer cares about me. I was only a mistake now. It was true that I had made Luke cry, but I was still his brother. He shouldn't have taken sides so quickly.

-  
Daniel looked at me worriedly as he saw the extent of my injuries. I knew they looked bad just by the look on his face.

"No questions." I refused when he started to open his mouth to say something. 

"Beau is going to Freak out." He mumbled instead.

"No he won't. He doesn't love me anymore." I mumbled as Daniel started his car, and took off towards my house. 

"Beau could never hate you..." Daniel trailed off, confused by what I had said.

"Things change."

~  
I limped through the door to my house with Daniel's help. He guided me to the couch and by the time I reached it, I was exhausted.

I didn't want to deal with this. I was forced to call my brother's best friend because he didn't care enough to even see if I was okay. Neither of my brothers cared. They chose to believe some girl they met 5 months ago rather than their own brother they've known for years. 

Tears started to drip down my face before I could stop them. Daniel's eyes immediately widened as he quickly kneeled in front of me and started to soothingly rub my back. This only made me cry harder. Without Luke or Beau doing it, it was meaningless.

"Jai, you need to calm down." Daniel ordered softly. I shook my head at him. I couldn't calm down. Everything was going wrong, and there was nothing that could fix it. Only Luke could, but that wasn't going to happen. He hated me. It was as simple as that.

"Oi! Will you shut up already? You're giving me a headache!" Beau yelled, walking down the stairs. I think I stopped breathing at that point. I was sitting on the couch crying, but he still didn't care. Daniel glared at Beau.

"In case you haven't noticed, your baby brother is injured and having a panic attack on your couch. Don't you think you should be a good brother and help him?" Daniel scolded, taking both of us by surprise. This was Daniel. He never gets mad at Beau.

"Why should I?" Beau scoffed. "The little wimp probably got exactly what he deserved!"

"Wh-" Daniel started to yell at Beau, but I stopped him before he actually could.

"J-J-Just S-Stop D-Daniel." I struggled to force out. I could barely breathe and it took most of my energy, but I was able to stand up with my crutches and slowly limp my way out of the room. I was stopped, however, by the stairs. I had a broken arm combined with a broken leg. It was hard enough to maneuver my crutches without stairs added to the mix. I decided to try it anyways. Key word was try. I immediately fell and landed on my leg that was broken, causing me to let out a loud pain-filled scream that rang throughout the house.

"Jai?" Luke questioned, after running down the stairs to see what the scream was about. He looked at me with such disgust, that it caused my breathing room to get even more labored.

"L-L-Luke..." I managed to whimper. I saw something flash through his eyes, but I wasn't sure what it was. The moment I saw it, it was gone.

"Jai, are you okay?" Daniel asked, rushing over to me. I silently nodded. I was having a mini breakdown, but neither of my brothers seemed to care.

"What happened to him?" I heard Luke ask Daniel and Beau, refusing to even talk to me.

"I don't know!" Daniel was angry. He was angrier than I'd ever seen him before. "I got a call from Jai at the hospital earlier. He had a broken arm and leg, but for some reason neither of you seemed to care enough to even go see if he was okay!"

"He attacked Luke's girlfriend. He deserved what he got!" Beau spoke up before Luke could. "He probably should have gotten worse to be honest."

"I-I didn't do that. She lied." I gasped out. Daniel stared hard at my face like he didn't know who to believe.

"Whether he did or he didn't, you shouldn't want your brother to be hurt. Anyways, how exactly is it any of your business? I always thought you loved the twins equally." Daniel questioned. Luke looked down wordlessly. He hated me. 

"Secrets out." Beau replied. "Luke's been my favorite for the past year."

"Why?" This question surprisingly came from Luke.

"Have you seen him? He's always pouting and looking for pity. He has nothing to be sad about, and personally I think all of his attention seeking is kind of pathetic." Beau admitted. All three of us stared at him in disbelief. Luke may hate me, but he wasn't cruel. 

"Daniel can you help me get up to my room?" I asked quietly, not being able to make eye contact with any of them.

"I'll do it." Beau interjected. "We need to have a talk."

"In that case, I'll do it instead." Luke argued. "As much as I don't want to, I don't think you two should be in the same room right now."

I was actually thankful Luke had said that. Beau honestly terrified me right now. He hated me and wanted me hurt worse than I already was. It didn't take a genius to see I wasn't welcome in my own house anymore.


	4. Chapter 4

As Luke helped me limp up the stairs, I could hear Beau and Daniel yelling at each other again. Another tear slipped down my face at that. I had destroyed their friendship. Just like how I destroyed mine and Luke's relationship. 

"Stop crying already, Jai." Luke rolled his eyes at my tears. I still couldn't believe this had happened. Luke was the last person I expected this from.

"Stop." I pushed Luke away from me. I didn't want him to help me simply because he felt obligated to. We were near the top of the stairs so I thought it was reasonable for me to be able to make the last couple steps on my own.

"Jai, don't be like that." Luke sighed. "You know what? I don't even care anymore."

"Wow, thanks. That's the thing to say to your twin brother." I let out sarcastically, with a dry laugh. I went from being heartbroken to feeling angrier than I've ever been.

"As far as I'm concerned, you're not my brother!" Luke snapped, causing me to flinch back. We stood in silence for a few minutes before I decided to break it.

"If that's how you feel, Luke. I'll be out of your hair in no time." I promised, before finishing the limp to my bedroom door and locking myself inside. He didn't even react. I don't know when my twin brother- no, both of my brothers- had stopped loving me, but somehow it had happened.

It's funny, I used to think that nothing could come between us, but Luke chose a girl over me. He didn't even hesitate to do it, either. I don't know which part hurt more. The fact he left me or the fact that he didn't even hesitate to do it.

I screamed in frustration. I didn't know what to do. I sat on the edge of my bed and opened my bedside table drawer. Biting my lip, I pulled out something I had thought I would never look back at ever again.

A bottle of sleeping pills.

A few years back, I would get high on sleeping pills and just let myself check out from life when things really felt like they were getting to be too much. My brothers knew something was wrong, but they chose to ignore it, making it even easier for me to develop an addiction. I had eventually kicked the habit on my own, but I felt like I needed to keep a bottle just in case. I figured that their might be one day where I truly needed it.

I opened the bottle and shook a few out into my hand. I breathed in deeply. Was I really going to fall back into old habits, and lose everything I had worked so hard for? Yes, I was. I couldn't deal with fighting this much with Beau and Luke in the same day, let alone the same hour.

I put five of the pills in my mouth and swallowed them dry. I coughed a little at the feeling, but it quickly passed as I started to become numb. They were already starting to take the edge off of everything. I set the bottle on my bedside table and let myself fall backwards onto my bed as I let the pills take over and rip away my consciousness.

~

When I woke up, I felt worse than I did before. I checked the time. It was 5 o'clock in the morning. The pills had definitely done their job, but it was kind of disappointing to know that no one had come to check on me. They had simply let me suffer in pain, alone in my room. I at least had expected Daniel to come up and check on me, but that didn't even happen.

I was tempted to take some more pills, but I knew too many at one time was never a good idea. I unlocked my door, before slowly making my way downstairs. It took me a long time, considering I had two casts and had to use crutches. By the time I finally made it down the stairs, I was out of breath and exhausted. I walked into the kitchen and was startled to see Beau awake. He glanced up at me, causing me to stumble and fall on the ground.

"You okay?" Beau asked, as he quickly helped me to my feet. It felt weird. He had just yelled about how much he hated me less than twenty-four hours ago. I quickly nodded my head as he handed me my crutches, keeping an arm looped around my waist.

"M'fine." 

"Jai..." Beau sighed as he helped me sit down at the table. "I was out of line yesterday. I'm just frustrated because Jeremy is on my case, so I got involved with you and Luke and took my anger out on you."

"It's okay, Beau." I faked a smile.

"No, it's not okay." Beau frowned, "it's never okay for me to take sides when it comes to a simple fight between you two."

"It's not a simple fight." I felt a tear slip down my face. Beau looked alarmed when he saw this and crouched down in front of me and started rubbing my back comfortingly.

"Hey, tell me what's going on." Beau whispered. I bit my lip and slowly nodded.

"Luke hates me." I let out a small sob. "I was half-asleep and accidentally kissed Maggie."

"Well, an accident is an accident."

"It's not that simple." I wish it was so much. "She wanted to cheat on Luke with me, but I wouldn't do it. Luke came in and saw us, and she told Luke I attacked her. Then, she broke up with him because she didn't feel safe dating someone that looked like her attacker."

"Oh, Jai..." Beau hugged me to him. "I'm so sorry. I should have listened to you instead of Daniel having to knock some sense into me."

"What do you mean?" I was very confused. What was he talking about?

"After Luke took you up to your room yesterday, Daniel punched me and told me to fix this before storming out."

At least someone cared...


	5. Chapter 5

I think I'm forming a sleeping pill addiction again. Every day Luke hates me, turns into a day where I cope by getting high and losing myself for awhile. I can't really help myself anymore. I just can't live happily with my twin brother hating me. It's okay though, no one suspects a thing. Everyone thinks I'm happy, and I personally prefer it this way.

To make matters worse, the fans on Twitter have practically been begging for a TwinTalkTime video, but Luke refuses to make one. He doesn't even want to be near me anymore. I don't know what to do anymore. It's been a month since the incident, and Luke still hates me. Neither of us have ever been mad at the other for more than a couple hours at a time. This was absolutely killing me.

At least, Beau and I had made up. That was a good thing. If Beau actually did hate me, I don't think I could cope with it. Daniel had calmed down after Beau stopped taking sides. He wasn't about to even try to get in the middle of the argument Luke and I were having.

~

"Boys, get down here!" I heard Beau call, stirring me from my drug induced haze. I had gotten high a few hours ago, and was surprised his voice had even stirred me. Luke and I exited our bedrooms at the same time. I stared at him, willing him to say something, but he only looked away. It was like he didn't even want me to be here anymore. I felt my eyes burn with I shed tears, but I held them back. I could cry later on when I was in the isolation of my dark, lonely room.

"Jai, hurry up!" I heard Beau scream again as I stumbled down the stairs. My vision was starting to blur slightly, but I was coming down from high slowly. I slowly made my way to the couch and sat down in the only open space. 

Next to Luke.

Luke made it obvious that he didn't want me next to him. He tensed with discomfort and his face scrunched up in disgust. I felt a tear make its way down my face, but I quickly wiped it away. 

"Can we hurry this up, Beau?" I asked, wanting nothing more than to return to my room and overdose on sleeping pills. 

"Can you talk clearly?" Luke sassed, causing me to flinch back in hurt. Luke knew that I had trouble with a slight, barely there speech impediment. The fact that he brought up that simple insecurity really hurt.

"Both of you stop it!" Beau ordered, growing tired of our constant fighting. "I'm sick of you two fighting. This has gone on long enough. Now, you two are going to sit here until you make up or so help me I will beat both of you until you do."

"Like you could!" Luke and I growled in unison, causing Beau to chuckle. Luke glared at me, though.

"Please, like I could ever not hate this jerk over here." Luke said instead. That hurt me deeply.

"I think I should leave..." I mumbled out, still fighting with the tears that were threatening to fall.

"No, you're not! Neither of you are until you two make up!" 

"That's not what I mean!" I raised my voice, causing both of my brothers to look at me in confusion. "Leaving here. Leaving the Janoskians!"

"What!?" Beau was angry. "After all of the hard work we've done, you want to leave. Just like that!"

"If I'm not wanted here, then why stay?" I questioned. "I promise I'll try to find somewhere to go within the next couple of days."

"Jai, you can't be serious!" Beau yelled. He was suddenly cut off by Luke.

"Beau, of he wants to run away, let him. After all, that's all he's ever been good at." Luke's words hurt me deeply. I couldn't stop it anymore. Harsh sobs tore through my body as tears streamed down my face. Beau looked alarmed, but Luke just looked confused.

Luke didn't care about me anymore.

I ran up to my room sand locked the door behind me, ignoring Beau's harsh banging from behind it seconds later. Nothing mattered anymore. I had always been Luke and Jai, no matter how much I had always claimed to be my own person. I just wasn't myself without Luke in my life. 

I called the one person that I knew could help me. 

My dealer.

I wasn't sure if his name, but I at least was able to trust him to give me the stuff I needed.

"It's Jai." I said when I heard him answer. "I need something strong. Something that won't let me think about things anymore."

"Meet me by our usual place." Was all he said before the line clicked off. I couldn't rely on sleeping pills anymore. Not when I couldn't take them like I needed to.


	6. Chapter 6

"Jai, please just let me in!" Beau begged. He had been at my door for a couple hours now, trying to coax me out of my room. But, I refused to open the door and talk to him. Luke had went too far, and this time he had truly hurt me. He had gone farther than simply ignoring me. He had attacked the insecurities that only he knew about. 

When Beau had finally left my door, I snuck outside with a huge amount of cash I had been saving for this purpose. I needed stronger drugs to fuel me now. Luke had actually killed what few thoughts of stopping I actually had.

I put my good up as I walked through town and into the shops. I looked for a small coffee shop and found a relatively empty section to sit in. He wouldn't show if there were a lot of people around to see the deal go down.

"Your order, sir." A man dressed like a waiter disrupted me from my thoughts. He slipped me a plastic bag as he set my cofew down on the table. When no one was looking, I slipped the cash inside his pocket. The weight of my newfound relief felt heavy in my pocket.

I drunk my coffee slowly, so no one expected anything about the real reason I was there. Finally, I was able to leave and make my way back home. Beau was waiting in the living room when I got there, but I brushed past him so I could hide the drugs in my room. 

"Jai!" Beau screamed through my closed door right after I managed to hide it. I walked slowly up to my door and opened it to reveal the face of my older brother.

"Luke, hates me..." I whispered to him. Beau looked up at me with concern and immediately pulled me in for a hug.

"It's okay. Luke will come to his senses soon. Just give him time." Beau tried to reassure me, but he just made things worse.

"It's been a month, Beau. He's never going to stop hating me." I sighed in frustration. "I can't take this much longer, Beau. I really can't."

"Jai, you're scaring me." Beau stared at me with knowing eyes, so I slammed the door in his face in response. 

"Get over it." I whispered to myself as I threw myself down onto my bed in agony. 

I let out a scream of frustration. Nothing is ever going to be okay ever again. I reached over to where I had hid the plastic bag and pulled a vial and a syringe out of it. Looking closely at it, I realized what I had been given.

Heroin.

I never thought that I would actually resort to something like this, but I had. It was too late to back out now.  I put it the drug into the syringe and rolled up my sleeve. I wasn't sure how much to take so I just guessed an amount. Did I really want to do this? Heroin was a lot heavier than anything I had ever taken before. I had always taken things like standard sleeping pills, nothing like this. With a heavy heart, I decided that 'yes' I wanted to do this. 

I picked up a random shirt off my floor and ripped a piece off of it to tie around my arm. After that, I injected the harmful substance into my body. As I felt my senses start to dim, I heard a knock on my door. I wasn't thinking straight, so I walked over to the door and opened it to reveal Beau.

"Whassup Beau?" I chuckled. Beau looked at me strangely for a moment before shaking his head at me.

"Jai, are you okay? You've been acting weird..." Beau asked, looking extremely concerned.

"M'fine. Neder bedder!" I slurred. Beau raised his eyebrows at me before narrowing his eyes.

"Jai, are you high?" Beau asked with quiet rage.

"Nah." I told him before starting to chuckle loudly.

"I swear, Jai. I'm going to kill you!" Beau sighed. My laughing caused me to be slightly unsteady on my feet and I fell into Beau. "Luke, can you come here!" Beau yelled, loudly causing me to become slightly dizzy.

"What's going on here?" Luke looked extremely confused to find me being supported by an angry Beau.

"Jai's high." Beau explained. "Can you take him downstairs while I search his room for the drugs?"

"I could search his room instead, and you-" Luke started to say before I burst into tears.

"I'm not going anywhere with him!" I yelled angrily. "And you're not s-s-searching my room for anything!"

"Like I wanted to take a druggie like you anyway..." Luke muttered, but I had heard him. I pushed Beau away and ran back into my room slamming the door. I hid my drugs  in my closet before sitting in the floor next to my bed. I heard the knocking stop as the doorknob slowly turned, and Luke and Beau walked inside.

"M'done." I mumbled. "I'd rather die than have to put up with you guys another moment." Beau's eyes widened as Luke simply stared at me expressionlessly.

"Luke, please take Jai downstairs. He's your twin and you need to start acting like it again." Beau begged, rubbing his temples frustratedly.

"Yeah." Luke replied as he turned to me and put his arm around my waist to lead me out of my own room. "Come on, Jai. Let's go downstairs and watch a movie, okay?"

I nodded my head, unable to answer him. I don't remember when it happened, but somewhere during my limp downstairs, I blacked out.


	7. Chapter 7

I woke up a couple hours later in Luke's bed. At first, I was extremely confused. Luke didn't want me anywhere near him. He hated me in all senses of the word. I felt tears start to trail down my cheeks before I could stop them. This caused Luke to look up from where he was editing videos at his desk.

"Jai?" Luke asked, confident as to why I was crying.

"M'sorry. Give me a minute and I'll leave you alone." I whispered. Luke frowned at me.

"Jai, you need to stay in here a little longer. At least that's what I would do. Beau probably has a whole lecture prepared for you..." Luke advised. 

"Why is Beau lecturing me?" I asked in confusion. Luke put whatever he was working on away and sat on his bed beside me.

"Jai, do you remember what happened before you passed out?" Luke asked. 

"Vaguely." I replied. "It's kind of hazy, to be honest."

"You got high, kind of told Beau you wanted to die, and then Beau found a lot of drugs in your room." Luke summarized quickly. "I mean I'm mad at you right now, but even I wasn't prepared for that."

"That's just it!" I couldn't help but scream. "You don't believe me when you should. I would never try to take advantage of any girl, especially the one my twin brother loved."

Luke just rolled his eyes at me.

"Have you ever stopped to think, Jai! I'm not even mad you kissed her. I'm mad that you lied to me about it." Luke scoffed. 

"I'm not lying, though!" I almost screamed. I stumbled off Luke's bed and ran back to my room. 

I didn't know what else to do. I thought I knew Luke better than anyone and I thought he knew me better than anyone as well. I was horribly wrong, though. Luke didn't believe me when it truly mattered. 

"Jaidon Domenic Brooks!" I heard Beau's voice boom from behind me. I turned my heard to see the extremely angry face of my oldest brother. 

"Hey Beau." I greeted sarcastically.

"Don't hey Beau me, Jai! I'm okay with you getting drunk more often than you should. I'm okay with you acting crazy and doing dangerous stunts. But I'm definitely not okay with you getting high or doing drugs at all!" Beau lectured me.

"Calm down, Beau!" I tried. 

"No I won't! What would you have done if you had overdosed, Jai? That could of killed you!"

"So what? I'd be dead. That's better than living here with a twin brother who wishes you were dead." I screamed back. 

"Luke doesn't want you dead." Beau said slowly. 

"Yes, he does! Do you even realize how hard it is knowing that your twin brother, of all people, thinks that you're a liar and wants absolutely nothing to do with you? Well, I do. It hurts a lot. I die a little more every time Luke sends me a death glare or tells me that I'm a liar. The drugs were just helping me to cope with that." I reasoned. 

"Well, what about what Luke saw? Imagine how he felt when he saw you kissing her."

"You are on his side." I whispered, taking a step back. "I..."

"Jai, man up already and just apologize to Luke." Beau sighed. "It's that simple."

I slowly backed away from my brother, before running as fast as I could and locking myself inside my bathroom. I felt Beau pounding in the door, but I couldn't be bothered by him.

"Leave already, Beau!" I yelled as loud as I could. 

"What if I told you it wasn't Beau?" I heard Luke's voice ask.

"Go away, Luke!" I groaned. 

"Let me in." Luke ordered instead of leaving like I wanted him to.

"Why? So you can yell at me some more?" I scoffed. "No thanks."

"Jai, come on. Please, for me." Luke begged. Against my better judgement I unlocked the door before resuming my position on the floor with my knees pressed up against my chest.

"It's open." 

"Jai?" Luke burst in. "It's like I don't even know you anymore. Drugs?"

"To be fair, you never really knew me in the first place. You still think I'm lying." I sassed.

"That's because you are lying." Luke scoffed. "Maggie loved me, she would have never cheated on me."

"You know this wasn't the first time I've done drugs, right?" I asked, ignoring what he had said.

"What do you mean?" Luke gave me a questioning look.

"I've done drugs since before you even met Maggie. I was just able to stop for awhile, but thanks to you and your lack of trust I've hit my breaking point. I sunk back to that place where I got high just so I didn't have to feel the pain anymore. Why am I telling you this? You wouldn't even care if I died."

"Jai..." Luke breathed. "I never knew about that."

"Yeah, imagine that." I drawled, glancing over at the open window. My room was on the top floor. What would happen if I just jumped?

"There's a lot you never knew, Luke." I decided that now was as good as ever. Luke hated me and he would not try to stop me. I stood up and slowly walked over to the window as Luke started to talk again.

"What do you mean? You're confusing me, Jai." Luke's said slowly, before his eyes widened like he knew what I was about to do. Luke tackled me to the floor before I had time to register him move.

"Get off!" I screamed, harshly. 

"Why? I don't think throwing yourself out a window is the best idea." Luke laughed humorlessly. "You can't run from the problems you created, Jai."

"Dying would be better than spending another second with you!"


	8. Chapter 8

"Dying would be better than spending another second with you!"

"Jai, you're being ridiculous." Luke scoffed. I stared hard at him. Then, something in me just snapped. I was so tired. This had gone on for more than long enough. 

"I'm being ridiculous? I am? What about You?!" I yelled at Luke. "Insisting that I'm lying to you because you can't face the truth?"

"I know the truth." Luke gritted his teeth.

"Really?" I smirked. "Because to me it looks like you couldn't face the music. She never loved you, Man. In fact, when I pushed her away, she told me 'what Luke doesn't know won't hurt him'! Did you ever stop to think about how much you're hurting me by treating me like this? Let's face it. You know the truth. You just think hurting me will make everything okay for you. But it's not okay."

"Jai, I-"

"Just save it, Luke!" I cut him off. "I'm done! I don't care if you hate me anymore. I'm just so done being broken and betrayed by you and everyone else."

"Jai don't. I know what happened. Just admit it."

"You know what, Luke? I thought you actually cared about me, but looks like I was wrong. You don't care about me and as far as I'm concerned, right now I don't care about you either."

Without waiting for A response from him, I rushed past my twin and out of my room. I couldn't deal with him right now. I was just so angry. As luck would have it, I ran straight into Beau.

"Jai we need to talk." Beau stated, placing a hand on my shoulder so I couldn't run away.

"Well maybe I don't want to talk. Maybe I'm sick of being treated like the black sheep of the family. Like someone who just lives with you. I'm sick of it, Beau. My twin hates me, so he doesn't have to deal with loving a girl who could never love him back. And you... let's be honest. You've always liked Luke more. You've never really liked me. I'm just the little brother you got stuck with. Not the one you wanted." I screamed. 

"Jai, I need you to calm down. You're too angry and if you keep it up you're going to hurt yourself." Beau said in a calm, level voice. He moved both hands to grip my biceps and give me a little shake.

"I will not calm down!" I yelled, trying to shake his grip off of me. "Listen to me. I'm sick of you not caring. You never care. It's always about Luke or how you can get more followers. Not once did you ever consider how I felt. You didn't think about how hurt I would be, you just did things."

"Jai, you're having a panic attack. Please. Take a deep breath and relax." Beau's eyes burrowed into mine and all I could see was the fake love and pity. I didn't want or need his pity. I just needed to get out. To get away from both of my brothers and their negligence. 

I couldn't deal with this right now. The way they acted like they both were right, and that I was automatically wrong. I had to get out. With a big shove, I pushed away from Beau's tight grip on my arms. I rushed into the kitchen and tried to catch my breath. Nothing was working, though. This was how I felt when I needed to get high the most. That was impossible, though. Beau had taken all of the drugs out of the house when he found me shooting up earlier. So, I did the next best thing. I grabbed a big knife out of one of the drawers in the kitchen. I couldn't believe I had actually resorted to this, but I had.

I quickly placed the tip of the knife on my arm right under my elbow and pressed in as deeply as I could. Immediately, I felt white hot pain that made me want to drop the knife, but I powered through it. I dragged the knife down my arm until I reached my wrist.

It was when I saw the blood start to pour from my arm that I realized exactly what I had done. I had cut myself in an extremely dangerous way. I realized that I was probably going to die. It was okay, though. Luke and Beau wouldn't have to deal with me anymore. They could finally have their lives back. 

I was going to die, and as my world faded to black I realized that I just couldn't bring myself to care. It was too late for me. No one could save me now.


	9. Chapter 9

"Jai. I'm so sorry. Please wake up! Please... I can't do this without you. Please, I swear I'll be a better brother. Just please don't leave me." 

-

That's funny. That voice sounded like Luke, but that's not possible. My twin brother hated me with a burning passion. He chose a girl over me and I hated him for that. He was supposed to trust me, but he didn't. He made me turn to drugs in my time of need. He made me want to die.

He made me want to die. 

With that thought, the memories of what happened came flooding back. Beau caught me doing drugs. I passed out. Luke and I got in a huge fight. Then, I tried to end my life. Obviously it didn't work and I needed to open my eyes and get whatever confrontation that was waiting for me over with.

I didn't want to though. I couldn't face my brothers knowing that I had tried to kill myself to get away from them. I didn't want to know how little they actually cared. If it was as much as I suspected, that knowledge could break me all over again. 

"Jai, come on. I already know you're awake. Please, just open your eyes..." I heard Luke beg again. I didn't want to, but I decided to take pity on him.

It was a real struggle, but I somehow managed to slowly crack my eyes open to take in my surroundings. 

Or at least that's what I thought would happen. 

As soon as I opened my eyes, I was tackled into a hug by a sobbing Luke. I was confused, but I decided to hug him back anyways. 

"I'm sorry! I'm so, so sorry Jai! I should have trusted you! I should have been there for you! I'm sorry!" Luke sobbed repeatedly in my arms. I patted his back as he sobbed his heart out. I never could stay mad at him. 

"Jai, I'm sorry too." Beau whispered from where he was standing by the doorway. I almost didn't hear him because of how loudly Luke was sobbing.  I nodded my head in return, but I still had yet to say a word to either of my brothers. The wounds they had left were just too fresh. 

It was weird but I actually wanted them to yell at me. I wanted Beau to scold me like he always did and tell me how stupid I was being. I wanted Luke to mother me yet still be supportive of whatever I did like he used to. 

This wasn't them. Beau was being way too quiet and Luke was crying way too much. These weren't the brothers I knew. I was used to Beau never shutting up. I was used to Luke being the strong one and never letting anything get him down. 

"Can I be alone?" I asked finally, feeling overwhelmed by all of the emotion in the room mixed with the foreign behavior. Luke shifted away from me slightly and started to rub the tears off his face while Beau bit his lip nervously. 

"You actually can't, Jai." Beau answered quietly. "You just tried to kill yourself, so even if I wanted to I couldn't leave you alone in here right now. Then, there's the fact the doctors found traces of heroin..."

"You already knew about that." I pointed out. 

"I thought you had just tried a little. With the amount they found, it's surprising you didn't die just from that alone."

"Doesn't sound like a bad idea..." I mumbled to myself, pouting slightly. 

"Which is exactly why you can't be alone." Luke piped up sadly since he was close enough to hear what I had said.

"But, that's not fair!" I shouted, causing Luke and Beau to both roll their eyes at me. 

"Of course not, Jai." Beau laughed.

"No! I'm serious!" I snapped, roughly jerking away from Luke's hold on me. "When's the last time either of you cared? Oh that's right! You don't! One of you chose your girlfriend over me, your own brother, and the other sided with him! As far as I'm concerned, you don't have the right to say you car about me. I don't need any of your lies. I have enough to deal with."

"Jai..." Luke whispered. I squeezed my eyes shut in response, but tears somehow managed to escape anyways.

"You don't care, Luke. You don't care, and you have no idea how much that really hurts me."

-

The doctor came in shortly after my arguments with Luke and Beau. He saw my fresh tears and immediately made my brothers leave the room. Apparently, that much stress isn't exactly healthy for one person. So, now I'm just lying here absorbing everything that's happened. 

My brothers basically abandoned me and I couldn't handle it. I couldn't handle the fact that to them, I didn't matter. I wasn't someone that really held much of a priority in their lives, and that hurt a lot. It hurt to the point that life seemed to be pointless. Honestly, I didn't know how I could still be in the Janoskians at this point. We hadn't filmed in weeks and now it might be too late for me to ever film again.

I guess only time will tell.


	10. Chapter 10

The day had arrived. I had finally been released from the hospital and was allowed to go home. Going home, however, was the last thing I wanted to do. Things were still extremely tense between my brothers and I. Those memories, the feelings left from them, weren't just going to go away overnight. Actually, I still wasn't sure if I had forgiven them or not. It takes a lot of hurting for me to hold a grudge, but they had succeeded in doing that. They had hurt me worse than anyone else had ever hurt me before in my life. I didn't know if I was ready to just let that all go.

I dreaded seeing Luke more than I dreaded seeing Beau. It's true that Beau had sided with Luke, but Luke had sided with a girl he barely even knew. It was like all of those years of being brothers, of being twins, suddenly meant nothing to him and I didn't know how to take that.

Part of me wanted to blame myself. What if I had just let Luke think what he wanted to think? Would he had forgiven me for that and then dropped it completely? Or what if I had never fallen asleep there in the first place? There's so many 'ifs' to this situation. At the same time I know that it wasn't my fault. I couldn't have predicted what would have happened. I could have never dreamed that it would happen, but it did happen. It happened and I suffered as a result.

"Jaidon, it's time for you to go home now!" My nurse cheered happily as she walked into my room and disrupted me from my thoughts. I felt my anxiety skyrocket when she said that. I didn't know if I could really do this. She interrupted my thoughts again by handing me a plastic cup with two different pills in it and another cup full of water.

"Hurry up and take your pills and then you can be discharged!" She told me, smiling brightly. Her bright smile made my own face fall. "What's wrong, sweetie?"

"I don't know if I can do this." I admitted quietly. She nodded her head in understanding before sitting on the bed beside me.

"What's so scary? You just survived a hospital stay. I think you can do it." She laughed.

"What...what if I can't forgive my brothers? They really hurt me a lot and I just don't know if I can forgive them just yet." I explained.

"Jaidon, I think you've already forgiven them. If you hadn't then you wouldn't be this upset about not forgiving them. Just keep in mind, it takes time to heal. You're still hurt and that's perfectly natural, but you can't avoid them either. You have to let go so you can start the process of mending yourself."

-

I thought over the nurse's words as Beau drove me home. I had forgiven them. I was just hurt because of what they had done. I knew I needed to let go and I was perfectly prepared to do that no matter what. 

Luke had decided to stay home when Beau picked me up from the hospital, and I didn't know how to feel about that. However, when I opened the door to our house I had my answer. 

Luke was standing in the middle of the room, but that wasn't what surprised me. It was the banners haphazardly strung around that said:

"Welcome home Jai! We're sorry!"

I had to laugh slightly to myself at this next part. It looked as if they had ordered me a huge cake.....a huge cake that Luke was currently wearing.

"Umm, surprise?" Luke spoke up nervously. Not caring about the cake, I ran up to my twin, And hugged him.

"I'm still mad, but I forgive you!" I whispered. Luke smiled brightly at me as he returned my hug.

"Well isn't that a relief, I thought I needed to run out and buy a new cake since Luke's over here destroyed yours!" Beau joked badly. I locked eyes with Luke as I scooped some cake off his head, then we both turned and began our cake onslaught on Beau. Right now things weren't the best, but they were slowly looking up and that was more than I could possibly ask for.

-end-


End file.
